I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
