I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They took my balls.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
