Capitaan dildo arrescate!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
