Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
