I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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