I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
