i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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