also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
