Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
