sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
