i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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