god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
