Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just invented taco cereal.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
