Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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