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My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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