I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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