so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
