Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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