textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He shit in the fireplace
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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