at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
