I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
