WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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