I think I am morally bankrupt
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
