last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
