Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
