If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
