Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
