she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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