Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
