So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
