I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
