I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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