There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
