I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
