That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
