Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
