he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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