yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
