Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
