Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
