sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
