At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
