oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
