Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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