She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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