We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
