clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
