I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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