Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
