Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
