we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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