Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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