Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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