for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
