Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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