we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
